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Hoo boy I was so not expecting to get a solid life lesson today when I visited Kottke, but it happened and I suspect some of you will want in on this. In his post We Never Stop Growing, Jason shares a knowledge bomb dropped he received during thearpy.

When my therapist said “what you’re feeling is appropriate for the developmental stage you’re in right now”, it hit me right between the eyes and I knew exactly what she was trying to say. Our growth never ends. We never stop going through developmental stages — we just call them things like “becoming a parent”, “mid-life crisis”, or “perimenopause”. The pain, confusion, and emotional distress we experience is because we’re growing.

Thinking about my life through this lens has flipped a switch for me. Internalizing “this is appropriate” and “I’m leveling up” provided me with a better alternative to “I’m almost 50, I don’t have my life figured out yet, what the hell is wrong with me?” Rewiring my thought process is still a work in progress, but I feel like it’s allowed me to approach challenges more as opportunities than as obstacles, provided me with a map/plan out of dark times, and given me more room to be easier on myself.

Well that certainly explains a lot. For starters why so many people I know, including myself, are asking themselves what the hell is going on? Why are we still trying to figure out so much in life right now? This isn't how it's supposed to be. Right?

Years ago I read this review on a new book at the time, The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After 50 by Jonathan Rauch. The book explores the phenomenon of a "U-shaped" trajectory in life satisfaction. Drawing on extensive research, Rauch reveals that happiness often declines from our 20s into our 40s, reaching a low point in midlife, before rising again in our 50s and beyond. This pattern, observed across various cultures and demographics, suggests that the midlife slump is a natural phase rather than a crisis. When I read the review I remember thinking, sweet! I have something to look forward to in a few years.

Now that I'm past that milestone, I think Rauch is full of shit. To hell with his studies and data, most folks I know wish they happy or happier. And it has nothing to do with unrealized early life goals like owning a thing or having a certain job title or tons of money. Jonathan's theory suggests that as our perspective matures we become less driven by comparison and ambition and more focused on gratitude, relationships, and intrinsic fulfillment.

While I am more focused on those things and I do feel gratitude—Brett and I just recorded a podcast on this subject hours ago—I'm not sure the intrinsic fulfillment is there. At least not yet. Maybe that comes from the recently discovered grownig pains that I didn't know I had until Jason passed along some knowledge. I can appreciate that despite reaching an age bracket we're not fully baked, but I would really love it if someone could pass me the remote so I can hit fast forward just a bit.